Up until August 11, 2006, I was naive to the dangers of Methadone. Now that it is too late, I am much more educated about this drug and I am much too aware of how many lives it has taken and families it has shattered. My son, Matthew, entered a Methadone Maintenance Treatment program after relapsing on pain-killers; he had been through rehab and had been drug-free for over six months. This relapse had only been going on for a little over a week when we decided on MMT, to hopefully stop his cravings for painkillers forever. Matt had started getting his life together, enrolled back in college, started going to church, and had goals and dreams for his life. He really wanted to do all this drug-free, without further relapses. He started the Methadone Clinic on Monday, August 7th and died on the 5th day of treatment, Friday, August 11. I came home from work to find him dead in the hallway of our home. He had been dead for 6-7 hours and due to the position he was in, was a sight from a horror movie. I tried to start CPR, but rigor mortis had already set in and his mouth was rigid. No mother, no father, no person, should ever have to go through this experience with their child or loved on. When I spoke to the clinic administrator, she smugly told me Matt must have "used" something with the Methadone. I knew what she was thinking - after all he's just a junkie. However, when the toxicology results came back, there was only Methadone and the other prescriptions that the doctor had approved in his system. I have read and done so much research on Methadone since Matthew was "murdered". I understand his reactions to the drug and what they meant. How the clinic and doctor ignored him and did not recognize that he was actually dying from methadone toxicity, it built up in his system as they increased the dosage until it killed him. But there are no do-overs. Methadone kills. Plain and simple. Even when administered in a controlled, clinic setting, without taking anything "extra". The only thing Matthew did was follow the doctor's orders that week - and it killed him. It is not a safe medication for pain because of the extremely long half life that people don't understand and is not safe in the MMT clinics because of the ignorance and lack of concern of the staff. There is no "safe" way to take Methadone; the only way to be safe is to stay away from it. There are too many alternatives. Matthew would have been much better off continuing with Percocet than what happened with Methadone!! Also, for drug users trying to get a "high" from Methadone, if they are not opioid tolerant, one single pill can kill them. One pill!! What a dangerous drug to be on the market or floating around in a drug dealer's hands.

What a waste for my son Matthew's life to end so needlessly at the young age of 20 because of an approved drug so dangerous and because of negligence on the part of the clinic and doctor. Matthew blessed us when he was born on January 10, 1986 and continued blessing us for 20 years. Matthew had a compassionate heart and would give his last penny if someone asked. He never knew a stranger, he would strike up conversation with anyone, anywhere, and usually have them laughing or giggling within a few minutues. His humor was a delight. Matt wore his emotions on his sleeve and hid nothing. He was sweet and kind, loving and trusting. And Matt was known for his loving hugs. On the day Matt passed away, that morning before I went to work, Matthew cupped his hands around my face and told me how beautiful I was and then gave me a huge hug and told me he loved me. How many 20 yr old young men do that with their mothers? He did not know it was his last day here on Earth, to him it was just another day. It is the last memory I have of Matthew and I together and it is very, very special. Matthew was also known for his wonderful artistic talent. By the young age of 3, you could see his talent emerge. At age 4, he was in art classes with 10-12 yr olds, because that was the level he was at. Within a few years, we also found out that he was naturally gifted in music also. He could play piano by ear and his fingers just flowed on the piano keys. But his true passion was painting. This is where he expressed himself through the good days and the bad. Vincent van Gogh paintings were interesting to him and some of Matt's paintings are brilliantly similar. And his best paintings? You know where they are... he gave them away. To friends, relatives, people he barely knew. There was one painting he did that I just loved and begged him to keep, but he gave it to his 6th grade teacher! But that was Matthew Fielder. A heart of gold. Now we know he's up there painting rainbows and sunsets for us and I thank him each time I see one. Yes, I was blessed with Matthew for 20 years, and anyone that knew him was also blessed. Matthew touched many lives and left footprints in all our hearts.

Matthew's Mom,
Terri