I lost my best friend, my identical twin sister, Pamela, on Oct. 23rd, 2005, to acute methadone intoxication. It was like losing half of my self. My name is Kathy. My twin and I were very close- like two peas in a pod. My Mom said we had our own language as infants. As we grew older we talked so fast that nobody could ever understand what we were saying, but we understood each other perfectly.

Pamela had been struggling with opiate and alcohol addiction for about 10 years. (Although methadone was not really her drug of choice, she had taken pill form on several or more occasions during her last year of life). Pamela was mostly into vicodin, percocet, norco, etc. She had taken oxycontin as well for about a year off and on. She tried to get clean numerous times. As a matter of fact she was clean when she relapsed on somebody else's medication.

You see my twin and I lived in the same apartment complex. Well, one day, unfortunately, my sister was in the laundry room, and she met a girl named Kim Zamora. Well, Kim was very chatty and she told Pam that she was a dying from colon cancer. Well, any opiate addict would "raise their ears" to that comment! (If only she had never met Kim!)

Pam had taken a trip to Hawaii with a friend(also in recovery), where she detoxed from alcohol, norco, and perhaps methadone pills that Kim had been supplying her with. She came back with a couple of months of sobriety. She was beautiful! The picture of health! Doing great!

I talked to her on the phone, Saturday, Oct, 23 from work. She told me she was going grocery shopping because she was having her kids over for dinner. She also said she was taking Kim out to lunch for chinese. This concerned me, because Kim had recently told both of us that her Doctor had changed her prescribed medication from pill form to liquid form. Well, Pam and I had both heard from Kim and others that this liquid form "made you feel so wonderful!, like you can do anything, euphoria, etc., etc., Well any opiate addict in recovery is going to be tempted upon seeing this drug! Whether on a kitchen table by the bathroom sink, wherever. I do recall seeing it in Kim's kitchen one time.

You see, Pam & I helped her get around- we took her grocery shopping, to run errands, etc. We both felt so sorry for her! She kept going in and out of Hospice. She was near the end. The Hospice Nurses would come to Kim's house and assist her with other health problems, in addition to administering liquid methadone. (Not appropriately, I might add). As each day went by and Kim's pain escalated I think the liquid meth got more potent every time. I sort of got off the subject here.

Later that evening of Oct, 23rd, 2005, I called Pam on my way home from work. No answer. When I got home, I went and knocked on her door. No answer. I thought she must have been napping. I called her one more time that evening and left her a message saying, "I know you're there, I saw the kitchen light on! You must be sleeping hard!

I thought that maybe she had gone somewhere with Sondra (her friend that had just helped Pam detox in Hawaii). So I went to work Sunday just like everything was fine(I don't know why I did not sense anything wrong. They say a lot of twin's do that).

When my boyfriend and I got home from work we went to do laundry near Pam's apartment. He decided to check her patio door to see if it was locked and also look inside her back window. We could see her lying on her side on her bed in a peaceful sleeping position. After banging on the window and receiving no response from her, I ran to the complex manager's office to get a key to get into her apartment. Once inside, I spotted her on her side as if sleeping, but as I approached her, it was obvious from the bluish coloring on her face and lips that what I most feared was what I least wanted to see, but there it was right in front of me. This was no horrible nightmare that took me into shock and denial that has lasted for so long. An immediate and frantic call to 911 put my boyfriend in the position of administering CPR to her lifeless body. It was to no avail, as she had been gone for already too long a time.

I talked to Kim the next day. She said that Pam had used her bathroom that day, and that there was a bottle of liquid methadone there ( Kim was terminally ill and very disoriented about her surroundings). I know in my heart this is what happened: My sister saw the bottle of liquid methadone, thought, "I'll just take a little sip and get little high."

Now her precious two children, Haley (6)- pictured, and Victor (11), will have to grow up without a mother. Pam loved life. She loved her children dearly... they meant all the world to her. My point is this: Liquid methadone was not being properly administered by hospice. It should have been under LOCK AND KEY!!! This crap is killing way too many of our loved ones! Something has to be done. How many more must die before eyes are opened to the dangers of this deadly drug?

It has taken me two years to accept that she truly is gone. I can't get the sight of her lifeless body out of my mind. Nightmares are constant.

My sweet Pamela, I miss your smile. I miss you, my other half. I feel as though half of me is missing. I keep the faith that we will meet again in Heaven. Rest in peace my twin angel. I love you. Your children love and miss you. We will always be twins!

Your Sis
Kathy
xoxoxo

Lastly I would also like to add a poem that David had written for Pam. it is entitled,

"Beloved Immortal."

Spend all your life running
And looking for peace
And for some sign
That says it's okay
You need some distraction
Some measure of relief
And a smile or two
Along the way
You get tired of the waiting
You're so restless and worn
Your peaceful dreams
Make it all fair
But those sweet memories
Of our laughs and cries
Are too close
For my heart to bear
In the clouds high above us
You watch over us here
In the bright light of loving you
It's missing you we most fear
You have gone with the angels
They're more precious with you there
In the clouds high above us
May you watch over us here
May you find all your answers
In a place that will
Bring you a smile
And the reasons
For our miseries
Will become clear to us
In a while
In the clouds high above us
You watch over us here
In the bright light of loving you
It's missing you we most fear
You have gone with the angels
They're more precious with you there
In the clouds high above us
May you watch over us here

David Gallagher